FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact Name: John Jiarvey
Organization: Garvington Creative
Phone number: 970.497.2745
Garvington Creative CSO Legally Changes Name
John Jiarvey (formerly Garvey), founder and Chief Storytelling Officer, feels that alliterative names are more memorable and likable.
Fort Collins, CO: John Jiarvey, founder and CSO of content marketing agency Garvington Creative, recently executed a legal name change intending to make himself more approachable.
“I’ve come to realize alliterative names are just more memorable and likable,” Jiarvey stated at an unrecorded virtual conference this morning. Seated behind a 1.4-ton mahogany desk in his 17th-floor office at Garvington Tower in downtown Fort Collins, Jiarvey also responded cordially to questions pertaining to his mental fitness and temperament. Jiarvey will publish a heavily redacted transcript of the conference on his website if investors keep badgering him.
When asked about the rationale for changing his name, Jiarvey said “I can think of at least a half dozen people off the top of my head who have alliterative names and are impossible not to like. If it worked for Brian Begnoche—dog that he is—I’m sure it will work for me.”
Jiarvey has been criticized for “steamrolling all sorts of crap” through City Hall, most notably the construction of Garvington Tower, which violates literally every zoning ordinance in Fort Collins and Larimer County.
“Unfortunately, we had some difficulties with contractors either cutting corners or taking liberties, like building an extra eleven floors that the City hadn’t authorized,” stated Jiarvey. “By the time I realized what was going on, there was nothing I could do about it.”
Jiarvey wisely made the top floor of Garvington Tower into a sprawling private office, replete with lavish indoor water fountains, a private lounge with 30 beer taps, a put-put course and a zip line directly to the roof of Equinox Brewery.
Jiarvey stated he doesn’t intend, for the time being, to change the name of his semi-eponymous agency to reflect his own name change.
“I don’t want to pay my designer to change all the marketing collateral from Garvington Creative to Jiarvington Creative,” Jiarvey admitted.
“The guy’s a jerk anyway.”
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Posted on: April 1, 2019